Author Archives: felicitymiles

TAD28c

Thing a Day 28

Inigo: Where’s Fezzik? Westley: I thought he was with you. Inigo: No. Fezzik: Inigo! Inigo! Where are you? Fezzik: Oh, there you are. Inigo, I saw the prince’s stable, and there they were– four horses. And I thought, there are

TAD28c

Thing a Day 28

Inigo: Where’s Fezzik? Westley: I thought he was with you. Inigo: No. Fezzik: Inigo! Inigo! Where are you? Fezzik: Oh, there you are. Inigo, I saw the prince’s stable, and there they were– four horses. And I thought, there are

TAD27b

Thing a Day 27

Butterquack: Oh Westley, will you ever forgive me? Westley: What hideous sin have you committed lately? Butterquack: I got married. I didn’t want to. It all happened so fast. Westley: Never happened. Butterquack: But it did. I was there. This

TAD27b

Thing a Day 27

Butterquack: Oh Westley, will you ever forgive me? Westley: What hideous sin have you committed lately? Butterquack: I got married. I didn’t want to. It all happened so fast. Westley: Never happened. Butterquack: But it did. I was there. This

TAD26e

Thing a Day 26

Meanwhile, Butterquack reaches the honeymoon suite and picks up a dagger. She is about to drive it into her chest when– Westley: There is a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. ‘Twould be a pity to damage yours. Count

TAD26e

Thing a Day 26

Meanwhile, Butterquack reaches the honeymoon suite and picks up a dagger. She is about to drive it into her chest when– Westley: There is a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. ‘Twould be a pity to damage yours. Count

TAD25a

Thing a Day 25

Count Rugen: Kill the dark one and the giant, but leave the third for questioning. Inigo easily defeats the guards and faces Count Rugen. Inigo: Hello. My name is Inigo Pondtoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die. Count Rugen

TAD25a

Thing a Day 25

Count Rugen: Kill the dark one and the giant, but leave the third for questioning. Inigo easily defeats the guards and faces Count Rugen. Inigo: Hello. My name is Inigo Pondtoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die. Count Rugen

TAD24a

Thing a Day 24

Clergyduck: Mawwage. Mawwage is what bwings us togevah today. Mawwage, that bwessed awwangement, that dweam wiffin a dweam. Fezzik: I am the Dread Pirate Roberts! There will be no survivors! My men are here, I am here, but soon, you

TAD24a

Thing a Day 24

Clergyduck: Mawwage. Mawwage is what bwings us togevah today. Mawwage, that bwessed awwangement, that dweam wiffin a dweam. Fezzik: I am the Dread Pirate Roberts! There will be no survivors! My men are here, I am here, but soon, you

TAD23a

Thing a Day 23

Fezzik: Inigo, there’s more than thirty. Inigo: What’s the difference? We’ve got him. Help me here. We’ll have to force feed him. Fezzik: Has it been fifteen minutes? Inigo: We can’t wait. The wedding is in half an hour. We

TAD23a

Thing a Day 23

Fezzik: Inigo, there’s more than thirty. Inigo: What’s the difference? We’ve got him. Help me here. We’ll have to force feed him. Fezzik: Has it been fifteen minutes? Inigo: We can’t wait. The wedding is in half an hour. We

TAD22b

Thing a Day 22

Fezzik and Inigo take Westley to Miracle Max. Inigo: Are you the Miracle Max who worked for the king all those years? Max: The king’s stinking son fired me. And thank you so much for bringing up such a painful

TAD22b

Thing a Day 22

Fezzik and Inigo take Westley to Miracle Max. Inigo: Are you the Miracle Max who worked for the king all those years? Max: The king’s stinking son fired me. And thank you so much for bringing up such a painful

TAD21f

Thing a Day 21

Westley’s screams of pain can be heard all over Florin City. Inigo: Fezzik! Fezzik! Listen! Do you hear? That is the sound of ultimate suffering. My heart made that sound when Rugen slaughtered my father. The Duck in Black makes

TAD21f

Thing a Day 21

Westley’s screams of pain can be heard all over Florin City. Inigo: Fezzik! Fezzik! Listen! Do you hear? That is the sound of ultimate suffering. My heart made that sound when Rugen slaughtered my father. The Duck in Black makes

TAD20d

Thing a Day 20

Yellin: The Thieves’ Forest is emptied. Thirty ducks guard the castle gate. Humperduck: Double it. My princess must be safe. Yellin: The gate has but one key, and I carry that. Humperduck: Ah, my dulcet darling. Tonight, we marry. Tomorrow

TAD20d

Thing a Day 20

Yellin: The Thieves’ Forest is emptied. Thirty ducks guard the castle gate. Humperduck: Double it. My princess must be safe. Yellin: The gate has but one key, and I carry that. Humperduck: Ah, my dulcet darling. Tonight, we marry. Tomorrow

TAD19b

Thing a Day 19

Inigo: I am waiting for you, Vizzini! You told me to go back to the beginning! So I have. This is where I am and this is where I’ll stay. I will not be moved! Brute: Ho there! Inigo: I

TAD19b

Thing a Day 19

Inigo: I am waiting for you, Vizzini! You told me to go back to the beginning! So I have. This is where I am and this is where I’ll stay. I will not be moved! Brute: Ho there! Inigo: I

TAD18c

Thing a Day 18

Humperduck: As chief enforcer of all Florin, I trust you with this secret– killers from Guilder are infiltrating the Thieves’ Forest and plan to murder my bride on our wedding night. Yellin: My spy network has heard no such news.

TAD18c

Thing a Day 18

Humperduck: As chief enforcer of all Florin, I trust you with this secret– killers from Guilder are infiltrating the Thieves’ Forest and plan to murder my bride on our wedding night. Yellin: My spy network has heard no such news.

TAD17a

Thing a Day 17

Westley is hooked up to The Machine. Count Rugen: Beautiful, isn’t it? Took me half a lifetime to invent it. I’m sure you’ve discovered my deep and abiding interest in pain. At present I’m writing the definitive work on the

TAD17a

Thing a Day 17

Westley is hooked up to The Machine. Count Rugen: Beautiful, isn’t it? Took me half a lifetime to invent it. I’m sure you’ve discovered my deep and abiding interest in pain. At present I’m writing the definitive work on the

TAD16b

Thing a Day 16

It was ten days to the wedding, the king still lived, but Butterquack’s nightmares were growing steadily worse. Butterquack: It comes to this: I love Westley. I always have. I know now I always will. If you tell me I

TAD16b

Thing a Day 16

It was ten days to the wedding, the king still lived, but Butterquack’s nightmares were growing steadily worse. Butterquack: It comes to this: I love Westley. I always have. I know now I always will. If you tell me I

TAD15a

Thing a Day 15

The king died that very night, and before the following dawn, Butterquack and Humperduck were married. And at noon, she met her subjects again, this time as their queen. Humperduck: My father’s final words were “Love her as I loved

TAD15a

Thing a Day 15

The king died that very night, and before the following dawn, Butterquack and Humperduck were married. And at noon, she met her subjects again, this time as their queen. Humperduck: My father’s final words were “Love her as I loved

TAD14a

Thing a Day 14

Westley awakens in the Pit of Despair. An albino is tending to the wound on his wing. Westley: Where am I? Albino: The Pit of Despair. Don’t even think about trying to escape. The chains are far too thick. And

TAD14a

Thing a Day 14

Westley awakens in the Pit of Despair. An albino is tending to the wound on his wing. Westley: Where am I? Albino: The Pit of Despair. Don’t even think about trying to escape. The chains are far too thick. And

TAD13b

Thing a Day 13

Butterquack and Westley emerge from the Fire Swamp and are met by Humperduck, the Count, and the soldiers. Humperduck: Surrender! Westley: You mean you wish to surrender to me? Very well. I accept. Humperduck: I give you full marks for

TAD13b

Thing a Day 13

Butterquack and Westley emerge from the Fire Swamp and are met by Humperduck, the Count, and the soldiers. Humperduck: Surrender! Westley: You mean you wish to surrender to me? Very well. I accept. Humperduck: I give you full marks for

TAD12c

Thing a Day 12

Butterquack falls into some lightning sand. Westley grabs onto a vine and dives in after her. They emerge from the sand. Butterquack: We’ll never succeed. We may as well die here. Westley: No, no. We have already succeeded. I mean,

TAD12c

Thing a Day 12

Butterquack falls into some lightning sand. Westley grabs onto a vine and dives in after her. They emerge from the sand. Butterquack: We’ll never succeed. We may as well die here. Westley: No, no. We have already succeeded. I mean,

TAD11b

Thing a Day 11

Butterquack and Westley run toward the Fire Swamp. Butterquack: We’ll never survive. Westley: Nonsense. You’re only saying that because no one ever has. Westley: It’s not that bad. Well, I’m not saying I’d like to build a summer home here,

TAD11b

Thing a Day 11

Butterquack and Westley run toward the Fire Swamp. Butterquack: We’ll never survive. Westley: Nonsense. You’re only saying that because no one ever has. Westley: It’s not that bad. Well, I’m not saying I’d like to build a summer home here,

TAD10daa

Thing a Day 10

Prince Humperduck is still tracking Butterquack. Humperduck: Someone has beaten the giant. There will be great suffering in Guilder if she dies. Meanwhile, the Duck in Black has taken Butterquack and fled with her. They stop to catch their breath.

TAD10daa

Thing a Day 10

Prince Humperduck is still tracking Butterquack. Humperduck: Someone has beaten the giant. There will be great suffering in Guilder if she dies. Meanwhile, the Duck in Black has taken Butterquack and fled with her. They stop to catch their breath.

TAD9c

Thing a Day 9

Prince Humperduck finds evidence of a duel on top of the cliff. Count Rugen: Who won? How did it end? Humperduck: The loser ran off alone. But the winner followed those footprints toward Guilder. They follow the footprints in pursuit

TAD9c

Thing a Day 9

Prince Humperduck finds evidence of a duel on top of the cliff. Count Rugen: Who won? How did it end? Humperduck: The loser ran off alone. But the winner followed those footprints toward Guilder. They follow the footprints in pursuit

TAD8b

Thing a Day 8

The Duck in Black faces Fezzik. Duck in Black: So what happens now? Fezzik: We face each other as God intended. Sportsmanlike. No tricks. No weapons. Skill against skill alone. They fight. The Duck in Black jumps onto Fezzik’s back

TAD8b

Thing a Day 8

The Duck in Black faces Fezzik. Duck in Black: So what happens now? Fezzik: We face each other as God intended. Sportsmanlike. No tricks. No weapons. Skill against skill alone. They fight. The Duck in Black jumps onto Fezzik’s back

TAD7b

Thing a Day 7

The Duck in Black reaches the top of the cliff. Inigo: I do not mean to pry, but you don’t by any chance happen to have six feathers on your right wing? Duck in Black: Do you always begin conversations

TAD7b

Thing a Day 7

The Duck in Black reaches the top of the cliff. Inigo: I do not mean to pry, but you don’t by any chance happen to have six feathers on your right wing? Duck in Black: Do you always begin conversations

TAD6b

Thing a Day 6

The strange boat is getting closer. Inigo: He’s right on top of us! Vizzini: Whoever he is, he’s too late. See! The Cliffs of Insanity! We’re safe. Only Fezzik is strong enough to go up our way. He’ll have to

TAD6b

Thing a Day 6

The strange boat is getting closer. Inigo: He’s right on top of us! Vizzini: Whoever he is, he’s too late. See! The Cliffs of Insanity! We’re safe. Only Fezzik is strong enough to go up our way. He’ll have to

TAD5b

Thing A Day 5

Inigo sees another boat in the distance following them. Vizzini: Probably some local fisherman out for a pleasure cruise at night through eel-infested waters. SPLASH! Butterquack jumps into the water. Vizzini: Do you know what that sound is, Highness? Those

TAD5b

Thing A Day 5

Inigo sees another boat in the distance following them. Vizzini: Probably some local fisherman out for a pleasure cruise at night through eel-infested waters. SPLASH! Butterquack jumps into the water. Vizzini: Do you know what that sound is, Highness? Those

TAD4a

Thing a Day 4

Butterquack is riding her horse… … when she is set upon by three robbers who kidnap her and force her into a boat. They sail across Florin Channel toward Guilder, there to slit her throat and frame Guilder for her

TAD4a

Thing a Day 4

Butterquack is riding her horse… … when she is set upon by three robbers who kidnap her and force her into a boat. They sail across Florin Channel toward Guilder, there to slit her throat and frame Guilder for her

TAD3a

Thing a Day 3

Five years later, the main square of Florin City was filled as never before to hear the announcement of the great Prince Humperduck’s bride-to-be. Humperduck: My ducks, a month from now, our country will have its five hundredth anniversary. On

TAD3a

Thing a Day 3

Five years later, the main square of Florin City was filled as never before to hear the announcement of the great Prince Humperduck’s bride-to-be. Humperduck: My ducks, a month from now, our country will have its five hundredth anniversary. On

TAD2b

Thing A Day 2

Butterquack: Farm Boy, polish my horse’s saddle. I want to see my face shining in it by morning. Westley: As you wish. “As you wish” was all he ever said to her. That day she was amazed to discover that

TAD2b

Thing A Day 2

Butterquack: Farm Boy, polish my horse’s saddle. I want to see my face shining in it by morning. Westley: As you wish. “As you wish” was all he ever said to her. That day she was amazed to discover that

TAD1a

Thing a Day 1

Junior Duck is sick. Grandpa Duck comes over to read a book to him. Junior: “Has it got any sports in it?” Grandpa: “Are you kidding? Fencing, fighting, torture, revenge. Giants, monsters, chases, escapes, true love, miracles.” Junior: “Doesn’t sound

TAD1a

Thing a Day 1

Junior Duck is sick. Grandpa Duck comes over to read a book to him. Junior: “Has it got any sports in it?” Grandpa: “Are you kidding? Fencing, fighting, torture, revenge. Giants, monsters, chases, escapes, true love, miracles.” Junior: “Doesn’t sound

TAD28

Thing a Day 28: Hula Saguaro

I dressed up the saguaro in my front yard in a coconut bra, lei, and grass skirt.

TAD28

Thing a Day 28: Hula Saguaro

I dressed up the saguaro in my front yard in a coconut bra, lei, and grass skirt.

TAD26

Thing a Day 26: Phyllis’s Dream

My mom’s friend Phyllis had a dream that my mom was running around, flailing her arms, and yelling, “Run! Run! It’s the cleaning lady!” I felt I had to recreate this in public. The other park-goers were a little confused.

TAD26

Thing a Day 26: Phyllis’s Dream

My mom’s friend Phyllis had a dream that my mom was running around, flailing her arms, and yelling, “Run! Run! It’s the cleaning lady!” I felt I had to recreate this in public. The other park-goers were a little confused.

TAD25bb

Thing a Day 25: Notes for Readers

I went to the library and left little notes in copies of some of my favorite books. I don’t know who will read them or when.

TAD25bb

Thing a Day 25: Notes for Readers

I went to the library and left little notes in copies of some of my favorite books. I don’t know who will read them or when.

TAD23

Thing a Day 23: Sassy Hiding

My brother is in Japan for a week, so his cat Sassy is staying here. She’s not happy about it.

TAD23

Thing a Day 23: Sassy Hiding

My brother is in Japan for a week, so his cat Sassy is staying here. She’s not happy about it.

TAD20

Thing a Day 20: See No Evil, Hear No Evil, Meow No Evil

My cats Sasha, Joshie, and Rex illustrate a rather hackneyed expression.

TAD20

Thing a Day 20: See No Evil, Hear No Evil, Meow No Evil

My cats Sasha, Joshie, and Rex illustrate a rather hackneyed expression.

TAD19

Thing a Day 19: Cat Playing Bingo

Come on, B6– Mama needs a new catnip mouse!

TAD19

Thing a Day 19: Cat Playing Bingo

Come on, B6– Mama needs a new catnip mouse!

TAD18

Thing a Day 18: Happy Presidents’ Day

Here in the United States, it’s Presidents’ Day, which is a holiday we celebrate by having to wait until tomorrow to get our mail. My great-great-great-great-great-great uncle was Millard Fillmore, the President nobody cares about or remembers.

TAD18

Thing a Day 18: Happy Presidents’ Day

Here in the United States, it’s Presidents’ Day, which is a holiday we celebrate by having to wait until tomorrow to get our mail. My great-great-great-great-great-great uncle was Millard Fillmore, the President nobody cares about or remembers.

TAD17

Thing a Day 17: Vinegar Pirate

Bottle of vinegar dressed as a pirate. Just because.

TAD17

Thing a Day 17: Vinegar Pirate

Bottle of vinegar dressed as a pirate. Just because.