Thing a Day 9


Prince Humperduck finds evidence of a duel on top of the cliff.

Count Rugen: Who won? How did it end?

Humperduck: The loser ran off alone. But the winner followed those footprints toward Guilder.

They follow the footprints in pursuit of the princess and her captors.


Meanwhile, the Duck in Black comes upon Vizzini with Butterquack.

Vizzini: So. It is down to you. And it is down to me.

The Duck in Black challenges him to a battle of wits.


He puts iocane powder into one of the goblets of wine.

Duck in Black: All right. Where is the poison? The battle of wits has begun. It ends when you decide and we both drink and find out who is right and who is dead.

Vizzini: But it’s so simple. All I have to do is divine from what I know of you: are you the sort of duck who would put the poison into his own goblet or his enemy’s? Now, a clever duck would put the poison into his own goblet, because he would know that only a great fool would reach for what he was given. I am not a great fool, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you. But you must have known I was not a great fool– you would have counted on it– so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me.

This goes on for some time until–

Vizzini: What in the world can that be?

Duck in Black: What? Where? I don’t see anything.

Vizzini: Well, I– I could have sworn I saw something. No matter.

They drink.

Duck in Black: You guessed wrong.

Vizzini: You only think I guessed wrong! That’s what’s so funny. I switched glasses when your back was turned! Ha ha! You fool! You fell victim to one of the classic blunders! The most famous is never get involved in a land war in Asia, but only slightly less well known is this: never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line!! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!! Ha ha ha–


Butterquack: And to think, all that time it was your cup that was poisoned.

Duck in Black: They were both poisoned. I spent the last few years building up an immunity to iocane powder.


One comment

  1. Susan

    Ha! I’m enjoying your story and the clever use of props. I put the bit about the classic blunders, land war in Asia, and bet with a Sicilian on a scarf. No one has bought it yet, but I like it. It always makes me smile.

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