Thing a Day 16


It was ten days to the wedding, the king still lived, but Butterquack’s nightmares were growing steadily worse.


Butterquack: It comes to this: I love Westley. I always have. I know now I always will. If you tell me I must marry you in ten days, please believe I will be dead by morning.

Humperduck: I could never cause you grief. Consider our wedding off. You returned this Westley to his ship?

Count Rugen: Yes.

Humperduck agrees to send his four fastest ships, each with a letter for Westley, in search of the Revenge.


Count Rugen: Your princess is really quite a winning creature. A trifle simple, perhaps, but her appeal is undeniable.

Humperduck: Oh, I know. The ducks are quite taken with her. It’s odd, but when I hired Vizzini to have her murdered on our engagement day, I thought that was clever. But it’s going to be so much more moving when I strangle her on our wedding night. Once Guilder is blamed, they’ll demand we go to war.

Count Rugen opens the secret door to the Pit of Despair.


Count Rugen: Are you coming down into the Pit? Westley’s got his strength back. I’m starting him on The Machine tonight.

Humperduck: Tyrone, you know how much I love watching you work, but I’ve got my country’s five hundredth anniversary to plan, my wedding to arrange, my wife to murder, and Guilder to frame for it. I’m swamped!

Count Rugen: Get some rest. If you haven’t got your health, you haven’t got anything.


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